Confessions to make.

I've got some confessions to make.

Just last evening, I had this really really evil thought/ super super sarcastic comment that I almost wanted to blurt it out for a couple of times. Well, I think I'm quite known for blurting out wrong words at absolutely wrong times because a few incidents have happened before. I tend to be slightly too high(if my mood is right), bacome totally oblivious to the surroundings and of course, totally ignorant of the other party might feel.

But I'm glad that somehow I swallowed and forgot about the sarcastic comment. What's intended as a joke(on my side) might not be deemed so by the other party. I think I won't forgive myself if I've said it out even if the other party might have laughed it off as a joke.

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I think I've been living my life too complacently, too complacently for too long. Telling myself I look okay when everybody else knows the truth, telling myself maybe I'll wake up in the next morning looking different in just one night, telling myself everything else can wait, telling myself to push everything to be done at the last minute. There are so much things, so much rules that I've set upon myself that I don't want to be seen doing, I should not be seen wearing, I dont want to be seen at. Grrr. Sounds suffocating for some but this is how I've been living. A laughing stock to lighten up events No. Dont get me wrong. Those comments don't hurt me any bit at all because I don't remember them for even more than 3 seconds. Really really. I used to mind quite a bit about this, but not so much these days. Well, I've said that I've been living too complacently. But a recent deep conversation reminded me of the past. The feeling of being trampled so easily by 1) anybody 2) anything 3) any events 4) all of the above is killing. The only reason these are affecting me is because I allowed them to. But I'm living good now(i think) and for now, I'll remember the words exchanged and the promise made.

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The bimb-O with her intellectual post finally. :))